Marriage

I did say my thoughts werent flowing today. This post was inspired by a friend. My friend is the husband in the couple. I dont know much about marriage, but i know one or two things about life, well maybe one ok ok.

So think Gbenga and Sade are married. Temi has been chasing Gbenga for years, Gbenga finally succumbed and cheated on Sade once. Problem is Sade and Temi run in the same circles.  So of course Sade being the Americana she is decides to flush her 3 carat $20,000 ring down the toilet and move out of the house and back to her parents house.

Gbenga apologises but Sade keeps reporting him to anyone that would listen. Even tells Sade she can have the password to his phone and email. Sade’s sister proceeds to call Gbenga and insult him. Taunt him on instagram and also taunt Temi.

Sade and Gbenga’s mothers tell them to get over themselves and sade should go back home to her husband. Sade somehow makes her way back home. But she never put her sister in her place in terms of respecting her husband. Sade lets her sis in the house and that one back talks the husband etc.

Now Sade says she wants to go to America to Business school for 2 years. Her sister just finished from business school. Gbenga suspects she wants a separation and he says he is not feeling too bad about it. Because as far as he is concerned he doesnt see what he will miss about being married to her, he knows he will have less drama and he will miss their 2 year old son even though he plans to visit.

My point is this for people who have been married for 3 years, how can you not miss  that person? For me a big part of marriage is creating a dependence,  because lets face it, most people dont really need their spouses. So you consciously have to create a dependence on yourself. Your partner has to want to need you. I mean that in a positive way, your partner should panic at the thought of you not being there, they should wonder how much misery will creep in if you leave somehow.

Marriage is interdependence, and i am not sure folks are understanding this. I am not in anyway vouching for Gbenga or Sade, but both need serious soul searching. It becomes a case of why are you married? Life isnt a Disney movie, your partner will annoy you, offend you, and at times just outright irritate you. So what gives? In human relationships we seem more likely to keep around people who make us feel good, those who make us feel like we are the best things since slice bread etc. So why is there a problem understanding this?

Gbenga said to me, “you know she has never cooked for me? I dont care if she can cook or not, but i just feel like she doesnt care”.

Please share your thougts if the rant above makes sense.

NESTR
OAD

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6 Comments on Marriage

  1. A wise woman builds her home, a foolish woman tears hers down. Yes the man cheated, if you wont forgive him, dont! Why move back in and be forming “a woman scorned”? To what purpose?

    She’s just immature. Letting her sis talk her husband down? Smh.. some women ehn..

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  2. 1st sign if immaturity; flushing a 20k ring down the drain.

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  3. Talikhi Bekas // March 17, 2015 at 16:26 // Reply

    Wow..it has never really occurred to me this way but yes most pple dnt really need their spouse
    The need for interdependence is neccessary
    Couples should learn to solve their problems alone it goes along way n y let her younger sister disrespect her man no matter what he has done..soo wrong

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  4. I like what u said abt interdependence. Never saw it that way. 20k in dollars ring flushed down d drain, chai, diaris god oooo. On a serious note, yes gbenga (my namesake,lolz) cheated but he has apologised. Things may never go back to d way they were bt they both hv to make an effort. However, it seems the marriage had lots of foundational issues illustrated by d mans comment on cooking and not missing his wife. That shows lack of intimate friendship. @ ibk, love ur comment

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