Living In Bondage…

I am not talking about spiritual attacks, I am talking about societal and self induced bondage. In case you are wondering, i have not lost my mind and i really need to get this off my chest. Are you living in bondage? I am talking to married people and those in committed or uncommitted relationships. I have opened every major blog, and in the last few days, domestic violence has been leaping out at me.

One story, the wife was asking for advice on how to poison her abusive husband, another wrote a memo to her abusive husband and copied the blog owner. Another blog published an unverified domestic violence story full with the names of the parties involved- wife stabbed husband and his blood was all over the floor in their home. A few things seem to jump out at me from many of these stories, people are reaching the end of their rope.

Nigerians we keep telling people to pray for cheating and abusive spouses, what if it is not God’s will for them to change? I keep saying people should pray for God to strengthen them so that they can deal with whatever situation they find themselves in with dignity. Marriage is not a do or die affair, God would rather have you single and happy than miserable and married. Its the simple truth, and when children are involved, please remember you are better off alive for your children’s sake.

One last thing i notice is that many women are victims in abusive situations. Many are wholly dependent on what their husbands provide, so some of these husbands assume they can’t and will not go anywhere else. Women, as you send in your domestic violence chronicles if you wish to stay in that environment, please state your qualifications or the remedy you believe you need to help you get out of it.

We need to raise our daughters to understand that they are divinely beautiful and our sons to realise that we place our daughters with them to make a happy home. Not someone to practice their Mayweather skills on.

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Marriage should be an atmosphere of mutual respect. While there is no perfect marriage, there are many happy ones: I am a testimony to that, and i think a big part of it has to do with programming. My father raised an extremely independent and stubborn woman; i have dated one or two people that threatened to hit me, and I have in turn snickered at them and gladly walked away right after.

LET US SAY NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! IT DOES NOBODY ANY GOOD!

If you are in an abusive situation, reach out to somebody, just reaching out is not enough, tell them exactly how they can help you to get out of that situation. And if you don’t want to leave, a temporary separation might be the answer. If you are dating someone who is abusive towards you, please do not entertain the thought of marrying that person even if you are 40 and about to “expire” as the situation will, and can only get worse.

Below is a snippet of my dad’s “father of the bride” speech. He speaks on the issue of violence. While he has an interesting sense of humor, he is almost always on point.

 

NESTR

OAD

 

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7 Comments on Living In Bondage…

  1. Domestic violence or any form of violence is the lowest of lows. Parents need to teach their kids that violence is just not acceptable. Some people start with a slap and graduate to physically flinging the other across the room. I have often wondered what goes through the beater’s mind when he is in the throes of beating his victim. And to think that some men break down and cry afterwards is just sad. Women need to take a stand early on in their relationships. Let that man know that in no way is violence of any form acceptable. Let your dad, brothers etc also mention it.

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  2. I read all the stories too and I just couldn’t close my mouth. Why should women suffer when there is an exit door? Its not easy I know but isn’t it better to be alive and see your kids grow than be dead and leave your kids to suffer in an unknown hands? Some stories makes me shiver at the sound of marriage.
    These days women take the idea of marriage as a do or die affair. What’s the Point of getting an education when all you end up doing is breeding babies and saying there’s no job.
    A sane man shouldn’t lift a finger on the woman he vowed to protect before God and families,its so pathetic.
    Women should stop defending men and the idea of saying all men cheat is stupid to me. These things happen during courtship but most ladies are too blinded to see it.

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  3. lucynthia // May 28, 2015 at 15:04 // Reply

    I strongly believe that women need to be educated on how to build a healthy self esteem. That’s one way to tackle this issue. Alot of women who end up being abused already know that the man is a monster. They go about saying they’d change him.. He slaps you while you’re dating and you say you’d change him. Are you the holy spirit?
    I also feel majority of the women who suffer abuse depend on the man financially and that’s why they cant leave. As soon as women come to realize that a man is not a financial plan and they act accordingly, they’d become more independent and won’t be ‘managing’ their relationships. Marriage is not a do or die affair. It is better to be single and hoping to get married than to be married and praying to be single.

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  4. A strong and relevant topic in this evil days. It’s become so rampant. I’m not even after anyone not getting married early anymore. It’s not about the wedding, it’s a lifetime of compromise, unconditional selflessness and submission on the part of the woman. Ain’t nothing eager to look forward to about that, my dears.

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  5. So true!! The problem is most don’t want to leave cos they believe it is a stigma. I don’t believe in “pray for him” and all those other nonsense that is said. He is an adult and should know right from wrong. He hits you; bette er run for dear life. It’s only someone that’s alive that can pray for another person. The Stories Are becoming horrifying as the days come. Most women are snapping. Love the little bit of your dad’s speech.

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  6. www.thelmathinks.com // May 30, 2015 at 17:59 // Reply

    Lol @ being about to expire. since some people have chosen to see being single as a death sentence, I wish them well in their actual death sentence. As for the others I pray they find the strength they need to remove themselves from that situation. These days I don’t even read domestic abuse stories/posts. I’ve totally lost interest and I immediately scroll to the next post. Paradoxically the more awareness brought to domestic abuse, the more it seems to be on a rise. I would have thought that by now the stories would have trickled down. Legislation needs to be put in place to seriously deal with domestic violence, it should also provide for stern punitive measures against the perpetrators. No, instead when you report an abusive partner to the police they will ridicule you and send you off on your Merry way.

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  7. Well said Pynk, points are very clear.

    Again, women should be gainfully employed and in charge of their finances. Most women remain because they have noting to do.

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