Investigating

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When you decide you want to get married how much investigating do you do? How well do you know the person or how do you investigate. I mean we keep hearing horror stories about spouses after marriage etc.

The prompt for this post is one gist like that I heard recently. So young woman meets young man…guy seems to be doing ok, from a decent family etc. They get married in 2013 or thereabouts.  Next thing in early 2015, EFCC shows up and picks the guy up for fraud and extradites him to the UK. In the process they find the same dude is wanted for murder in the UK which was committed 10 or more years back. Gbam, August 2015 dude is sentenced to life in jail in the UK. Wife is left with one child to cater for in the midst of all the confusion (wife had no clue about his past or present, husband went to office daily etc). This story is real and has been on blogs…the dude’s arrest and sentencing.

My question is how do we vet the people we intend on settling down with, without leaving stones unturned and not overdoing it? When I met my husband the first thing I did was to google him, but google doesn’t really tell a quarter of the story. I also ensured to a certain extent his lifestyle and intellect matched his said education and background. I met the family and made my own deductions about them etc. And I was also careful to observe how much of his life he was willing to share with me.

All that I have stated above are far from foolproof methods, but what is one to do? How do you know if your intended is the head of a drug ring, has prior convictions, is a former drug addict, is related to the devil etc? How? It’s relatively easy for folks to leave the west and reinvent themselves. I know of a convicted rapist who after serving is it 10 years in a UK jail that has reinveted as a restauranteur.  Likewise there is a former convict who is now a car dealer that jogs around Lekki- his wife is quite proud of him and their mansion…them full ground for instagram with their luxury lifestyle.

So my question now is how do you identify these people if you have no interest in joining vows with them? If you don’t have access to the dark web, and you don’t want to ask every tom, dick and harry about them- what is the way forward?

You people wany me to cry, someone should please claim A Million Dollar Gift

NESTR
OAD

21 Comments on Investigating

  1. I would have claimed it if I was in Lagos but sadly, I’m coming down much later in the month.

    As for investigating, if you think his stories about himself are not checking out in your head, or he says too little about himself or diverts questions about himself, then you should probably hire an investigator if you have the means and are seeing a future with said person. One can’t be too careful these days as seen above.

    I know some parents send their family members to investigate their kid’s intended down to their village. This is done to mostly find out the kind of family s/he’s coming from and to know if they have any skeletons in their ancestral cupboard.

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  2. When I met my husband at first, i googled him and facebooked him (yeah….feel free to laugh at the ‘facebook’ part, but all join).

    When he started getting very serious, my mum said to me ‘Nkechi, it’s ur job to investigate him personally and be sure that he is what he says he is…however, u can leave the family part to me as i will take care of that. A few weeks later, she spoke with my aunt who lives in the east and my aunt traveled to their hometown for her own investigation, and she called my mum to give her satisfactory delivery report…lol.

    On my own part, i asked a lot of questions….a million and one questions. From time to time, i looked around the house, and anything i saw that i felt curious about, i asked. I also applied a lot of common sense sha, cos meeehn ‘person no fit know finish oo’! I also prayed about it….and i just trusted God (after i had exhausted all my INSPECTOR BEDIAKO moves..lol).

    Really eh, all this investigation things sef, na God dey help person, cos i know a particular case where they said that the guy’s family is bad…bla bla bla, but the lady stuck to her decision to continue with the wedding plans, and that marriage has worked out and is still working out well as we speak.

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  3. My epistle just vanished. 🙁

    I’ll reply later

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  4. Prayers, background checks, residential area checks, workplace checks, place of origin checks, social media checks, behavioural checks etc

    A lady got connected to a guy via LinkedIn, met in person and started dating only to find out later that he was married with kids while acting single. Facebook could have helped as his marital status was married and his family pictures were all over the page. Babe found out she was side chick when she had started hearing wedding bells ringing in her head.

    Some convicts might have changed their ways, some might be innocent, some might still be involved in their shady stuff. Who knows.

    I’d love to partake in the seminar but……….

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  5. I do a lot of Facebook search when I want to know about someone. It may sound really creepy but there are quite a number of things to discover there.
    Then listening to the way they talk and what exactly they talk about.

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  6. Scary and real. Had a schoolmate who married some wealthy guy, only to find out later it was all packaged and the guy was living from scam to scam. She moved back in with her parents and little boy.
    I don’t know what I’ll do when it’s time. I’m very attentive and can pick up on a lot from face to face convos, but I’ll be hopeless at the Nancy Drew stuff. Hopefully my family got me.

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  7. www.thelmathinks.com // September 9, 2015 at 07:44 // Reply

    Lol @ former convict. Dilly is bringing home the bread, isn’t that what most women want?

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  8. Always try to fig out if I know anyone reasonable that knows the dude.
    Pry school, sec school, church, where you lived, facebook mutual friends.

    In yankee arrests record are public so yes I do a search. One guy tried to talk to me, did a search on maryland records. 23 arrests including soliciting prostitutes, theft between 10k-100k. And pple were still saying he’s from a good home. Am I going to date his parents.

    Marriage records are also public in yankee. So yup I search for that too.

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  9. Major red flags if you cannot travel to jand or yankee especially if you lived in one of them previously.

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    • Ehn Bee some folks don’t like to travel. I know someone with a british passport who has not left nigeria since 2007. She is just now attempting to travel. Lol

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  10. Lots of checks o. Ask questions, ask more questions, ask him the same question u asked abt 6 months ago and try to remember if the story is the same.

    Do all the jack Bauer moves. Pray, observe, and make your decison based on your level of Peace an conviction from God.

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  11. @Oad of the 23, 5 or less were traffic related, the others na serious gbese. I quickly detached before anything started.

    Aspa the travelling, omo that one na red flag to me. Most people who lived outside naija (esp jand an yankee) go back to visit every now and then. If you are avoiding it like a plague, I’m watching u with side eye. (See as silly din miss all his family events in yankee.lol)

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  12. One can never investigate enough, I believe in doing one’s best and let God do the rest.

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  13. Seems the ladies are more scared to tae the leap than the guys! That’s y dey have to do all d investigation stuffs.

    Buh personally I think guys need to do a lot of investigations so u don’t end up with a “social amenity”, seen case where d dude got married to a lady who was a “social amenity” back in her school days. It can be so embarassing……

    That’s y its just difficult for me to have anything real with people am not familiar with.

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  14. chukwukadibia // September 19, 2015 at 19:53 // Reply

    What’s social amenity?

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