Marrying Early

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So my brain seems to be working somewhat, excuse my last few days, forgive me.😅 There is something big that has been circulating on the internet after Charlie Boy wrote the article about the choice between a career and marriage for most women.

Let me define early marriage by my own standards and take it from there. For women, i believe marrying at age 27 and younger is relatively early. Why and how? From a career standpoint- you have barely passed the entry level mark – many people graduate around 22 at least in the west, woe betide you if you went to a Nigerian University and spent 9 years you may be 25. So five years depending on your industry may still be entry level.

While I admire butterfly love and young and innocent love, sometimes i think there are more disadvantages to early marriage for a woman than there are advantages. The only advantage i can come up with is childbirth,  but these days you can freeze your eggs….and delay the process if you wish.

That said…i think about marriage from an emotional standpoint…how many people have a full sense of self at 25? In Nigeria everyone wants to know when you are getting married, no one ever asks if you can cope. I always use myself as an example or as my standpoint. I was not a very patient woman at 27, matter of fact i doubt I could have married myself…i was engaged and had to walk from it for many reasons…mostly i didnt have the patience for that particular person’s shortcomings and if I had attempted it…i would have been divorced by now.

I was also very very busy chasing my career, i was in the work force for 11 years total before I married. I had gone far beyond entry level and can now sit back and cross my legs. I can sit home and charge what i believe i deserve and because I have the experience to back me up, when kids show up I can slow down and still be able to jump back in if I so please.

I keep finding that a lot of people who also marry early by the 2 year mark are looking for an exit…could it be that the younger we are, the less we tend to manage expectations? Because a sisi 21 like me very few things bother me- infidelity, lying and stealing. Things such as somebody snoring (i told my friend to buy headphones), husband pressing toothpaste in the middle (buy him his own ), wife too fat ( get couples gym membership). Maybe the creative approach comes quicker with experience. I am not saying I don’t get angry sometimes, I do but I look for ways around the issue instead of looking for perfection. My husband doesnt eat pepper, i put his food on a different shelf in the fridge- he knows his shelf type scenario….

I know a few people who are not 35 who have already done husband #2 and have gotten over it and I keep asking what is different?

Please share your thoughts!

NESTR
OAD

7 Comments on Marrying Early

  1. Wise words pynk.

    I’d say marriage depends more on maturity than age, although i’d agree that in most cases the older one gets, the more matured such person is likely going to be. There are few exceptions, people in their thirties and above that don’t understand what maturity demands and young adults in their late teens/twenties that are precocious.

    The problem with defining or accurately describing maturity is that one doesn’t know accurately the full range of one’s maturity till life’s challenges/demands occur. With respect to marriage, i’d differ and opine that middle twenties can be an appropriate age range for marriage for an average person. The key is to look for the true ingredients of a good marriage – shared goals, mutual respect, desire to learn and improve oneself and most importantly, Love etc. With love, whatever life’s demands are, you’d be sure that you’d want to act in the best interest of your spouse which in its sense is a sort of maturity – acting fairly to all that matters.

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  2. So, I’m with you on this one.
    I feel ladies Have no business Getting married less than 25 year (I know there will be that person that will come on here to say “There are some ladies that are Very Mature at 22 or 24” while I agree with you to an extent; but believe me that there’s the maturity that comes ONLY with age & experience.
    Everyone to His or Her, but no child of mine will Get married younger than 25 (oh yes i’ll be that mother)!
    P.S: My mama got married @ 29 in the Very early 80s with an MBA & a Very established career path, so let’s Just say I’m my mothers’ daughter!

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  3. I got married at 31, and I have never for once wished I married earlier….
    I was not fully ready for marriage in my 20s, and deep down in me I had always thought that if I had settled then, I probably would have made lots of mistakes.

    I realy don’t know if I’d advice my kids to wait for as long as I did (not like I had it all planned out or sum’in)…..because I believe that deep down inside, you will know when you are ready to settle.
    For me it was when I decided to start learning to be more patient and be more ‘FARABALE’, that was when I decided to try for a ‘serious’ relationship (after a self-imposed 2yr break).

    Good thing about marrying early is…….for those who plan to ‘pop out’ as many as 7 kids, it gives u ample time to start popping on time……LMAO!
    On the real tho, I don’t see any disadvantages in marrying late over marrying earlier. Just be sure that whenever u decide to take the big step, it is for the right reasons…

    May God help us all….

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  4. A friend of mine got married two weeks ago, she 23 years old and barely out of school. I think that if a person is mature enough, they can go into marriage but not many people know when they’re mature enough. A lot of them just get married either because of pressure or because the cannot “hold body” again.

    I’ve been thinking about marriage a lot lately but I know I’m no where near ready. I keep telling myself that no matter how much I think about it, if I marry any man now, we will fight every frigging day cos although I most times have the patience of Job, sometimes that patience eludes me and I just tear face for anyone. I keep telling God to take away all the pettiness in my life cos they are plenty.

    A lot of people don’t work on these things before they tie the knot and as such, it puts a strain on the marriage, that’s beside the normal problems that anyone will encounter in marriage. I think that’s why a lot of young marriages fail these days. They didn’t work on themselves before going into the marriage and now that they are there, they are still not patient enough to work it out.

    My mum will tell you that she has been learning in her marriage since she went in and she’s still learning. When she first got married, she was very impatient and stubborn and they used to have a lot of issues, I found this particular piece of information very difficult to believe cos my mum is the most patient person I know, apparently, marriage taught her that. I took her almost 10 years to learn it but she did.

    Its good to marry early but only if you’re ready to do the work and the time. And that’s what many people our age don’t understand. They want things easy and sweet like their parents’ marriages NOW forgetting that it took many of them(their parents) 10-20 years to come to terms with each other’s differences and personalities.

    May God help us.

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  5. I couldn’t agree more. Early marriages does have its set backs. Matter of fact, I have met a couple of people who regretted marrying so early (22/23-ish)

    I’m sure very few women in our generation want to have up to 5 kids. So at 28-ish, you could start thinking of settling down.
    Despite marrying your friend and love of your life, I can say with all my 3yrs + experience in marriage that marriage is hard men, the toll it takes on a woman is even worse, for a man, nothing really changes, afterall, he is been on his own for a while, he simply just has a new housemate, playmate, bedmate and all.

    For a woman, the changes are endless, then comes the sleepless nights when the kids show up.

    I advice single ladies to groove o.. no hurries abeg.

    1+
  6. LadyX, I throway salute for your mum. That is so cool.

    OAD, I love the different shelf food solution.

    My thoughts on the matter are many and frankly, I’m too lazy to put them down. Let me just say I agree with your sentiments. This early marriage is overhyped and usually not worth it. Better late and fulfilled than early and not. No first to finish in this one. It’s for life.

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  7. Nice post but age has nothing to do with marriage to me but maturity. There are people in their thirties that can’t handle relationship. Maturity is what counts to me.

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