I Was Raised by a Male Feminist

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I was reading a few different blogs today and I noticed something has been jumping out at me consistently.  Women with a low sense of self preservation….and to a large extent I find myself blaming the parents- now whether this is wrong on right – i don’t know but let me state my case.

Look no matter the circumstances, the adults we generally grow into are resultant of our childhoods. Some people saw their mothers abused, some of us are programmed that women don’t need to aspire to being more than housewives or submissive people (submissive really means cooperative within reason but people mistake it for being doormats). Many are taught that marriage is the absolute etc… you catch my drift.

I was raised by a male feminist. …with three brothers – i was always told if they hit you, make sure you beat them up, no one has a right to hit you or insult you. I believe I am far from spoilt, my father more so than my mother put the bulk of his parenting efforts into me. I remember when I called off my first engagement in 2010- when i related my reasons to him- this man asked me if I was crazy and why it took me that long to speak up and get it over with? I was never abused physically or even emotionally – the guy just wasn’t for me in terms of outlook and expectations.

My dad always pushed me from a self esteem standpoint- he always told me I was beautiful, looked nice,  extremely intelligent etc. He always listened to what I wanted to do etc. He also always pushed me…i remember when I first started working for a multinational in Iraq,  he would tell me how I could rise to being a VP etc. He has never nullified any of my dreams. When I had my last brouhaha with paid employment- he told me to be grateful and that they did me a favour and it would push me to where I needed to be heading.

My dad keeps calling me to find out when I am starting a Phd or a doctorate. He asks if my husband is treating me right- my dad offered to deal with someone who was bothering me when I was in my late 20s. My father never for one day asked me to bring home a husband and he has not asked me about grandkids- he doesn’t even bring it up. And sometimes i think his reinforcement is what turned me into what I am.

My dad is what I consider a male feminist. He invested more of his time raising me as a female child than he did with my three brothers. He has always said never wanted me to be subjected to abuse and to know that if I ever encountered it in any form I could walk away and I do so in good conscience. And that at the end of the day I have a spirit that will not be broken by a man as I can fend for myself financially.

I don’t know if I am crazy – feminism isn’t male bashing it is about women being empowered and preserving theirself. I read all these stories online of women being killed by husband’s,  other enduring lives of abuse and I really start to wonder what disservice was done in their parenting years.

As women our fathersare the first men we interact with – how much does it affect us in the long run?

The men aren’t exempt from it either.  What kind of men are we raising to be husbands and fathers?

Please share your thoughts.

Winners Wednesday is still HERE

NESTR
OAD

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14 Comments on I Was Raised by a Male Feminist

  1. hmmmm.. u just raised a very serious issue mrs pynk.
    with what i see these days, i feel many parents abandon the development of their children to the society.. especially when the children are adolescents. the bond between the mother and daughter is not there, same thing with the father and the son

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    • Dr. Sheggz it is a question for me because you start to wonder how little girls for instance interacted with their fathers… and little boys with their mothers and how it affects their adult relationships.

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  2. A standing ovation for your dad. I lost mine at age 8. I never had a father figure in my life. I had no brother to ‘compete’ with.

    The sad truth is that most parents have failed, in the sense that they focused more on providing shelter, food and education. Building character and values was left for the children to discover on their own. Commendations only came when you did well academically.

    The role of a parent in this era has tripled. I can only pray for the grace to play my part well.

    This is another post for hubby to read. Thanks, Miss Pynk.

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    • So sorry to hear that Enjay…my dad wasn’t too crazy about academics. I remember taking a toy home from a friends house when i was 4, my dad realized after we got home – my dad drove back one hour – he made me hand over the toy and apologize for stealing. I think we parents have a lot to do – but we also have to do it in ways that are receptive to the children – a know your child type of approach.

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  3. Funny I was talking with someone about this yesterday, my 11 month old daughter loves to climb everything I remember once telling her she should not do so cos she’s a girl,as I said this I realized that I wasn’t empowering my daughter, now I let her be as long as she isn’t doing anything dangerous. She loves cars more than dolls and for me that’s ok. I keep telling her she can be anything she puts her mind to be. She fights for what she wants

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    • CC please let her be – don’t inhibit her growth. I used to be a climber, tomboy and everything in between – i turned out Okay i think- well I am a big risk taker and when it matters most I am able to calculate my gambles and win for the most part. She can be anything she dreams up!

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  4. Hmmm…let me not even talk about my upbringing. All I can say now is, I’m more of an indoor female rights activist. I can’t stand where a girl child is being given the ‘u don’t know that you are a girl’ line, or being mis-treated without going off on the person saying/doing it. I’ll bring my daughters up (I want 2 of them by God’s grace) to be all they can be, so help me God. You are blessed Mme. Pynk.

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    • Me I am crazy oh Nne – one of my brothers said he doesn’t like his wife coming to me for advice because she becomes radicalised….lol. My mom tried to do the “you are a girl thing”- my dad struck it down. I am a feminist not to be confused with a man hater – the sky is the limit – my husband understands my madness for the most part and respects it.

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  5. Thank you very much for this post, especially the picture. i made a silent vow never to visit a family friend because of this. All she kept asking me for the 2hrs plus I spent in her house was just marriage and fiance matter. she couldnt even ask if was happy, if i had friends or work was challenging just husband only.

    I thank God for my parents, they don’t put much pressure on me concerning marriage. my mum has asked me the boyfriend question just once. They both want me to get married, but they also want me to excel in other areas.

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    • Zoe marriage to the right person is beautiful, but to the wrong person – misery has just begun. I married late – its more likely by the grace of God someone even agreed to marry me – I have always kept my happiness as my top priority – when my friends started getting married about 10 years before I did – I went on my travel vacations, made crazy investments and enjoyed my life in general. No one ever asked me for a husband, my dad was super stoked that i brought home my husband now….lol.

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  6. you dad did a really good job,i like that he didnt let society shape how his kids were brought up but he went hes own way

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  7. I loved reading this post. This is one reason why I’m so passionate about the girl child.

    Wrong emphasis is laid to our daughters. Mothers and fathers re not doing enough to empower their daughters.

    As a teenager, I recall strongly how my mum always ensured I stood tall and not allow a man define me.
    Goodness, I was fiercely independent, even she became so worried, she had to start praying I don’t end up marrying “oyinbo”

    I have 2 girls and I can’t wait to give them all the advise , love, wisdom, courage and care in my head.

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    • Clare it is important for young women to know that men dont and shouldnt define them. Your mum got it right – a lot of our mothers dont. I always wonder about young girls whom all we seem to get taught is face painting, how to cook and dress our selves up etc.

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