Yes, clap clap I went there and I am going there, because frankly I am tired of once again reading chronicles online about maltreatment and domestic violence against women. It’s like we have gotten so used to playig victim that if something is not wrong in your relationship you are not normal.
Few things I will like to touch on:
1. You my darling woman are enough…whether you have one eye, one leg or one ovary – you were created in his likeness – not a carbon copy – but my dear you are enough as a stand alone entity! No other human being is going to complete you- God doesn’t make half human beings…so please do not subscribe to the bullshit theory that you need a partner at all costs to complete you.
2. Marriage is a lifetime event- if you plan on doing it, please open your eyes. If your partner is displaying certain traits such as selfishness and a general disregard for you – pump your brakes…no matter how accomplished or not you are – you my sister deserve respect. If he is not kind to you and those around him- leave him for someone else – especially if you tell him about it and he doesn’t adjust.
3. It is not your job to save any man. Jesus already died for all our sins and even Jesus – God bless him was unable to convert everybody when he was on earth. I say this because a lot of women have a saviour complex – a man doesn’t have a job- you offer him part of your salary, you pay his house rent etc…you have not taken any vows before God, he is not your child neither is he your responsibility. Let him be a man and let him stand up with your words of encouragement not your wallet.
4. Equality- apples and oranges are both fruit- so in a sense they are equal. Make sure a man respects you as his equal in terms of decision making but also finds the delicate balance in terms of providing for the household and protecting you as his potential partner. A man that will not look out for you is not worth marrying – your car breaks down- he should come to your aid – i am not talking about paying the bill but making sure he does the negotiating with the mechanic and making sure you are not stranded.
5. One human being isn’t everything. I say this lightly because women are letting lousy expectations get the better of them and thus end up falling in shit traps. No man has Obama’s power, Bill Gate’s Money, Idris Elba’s looks and the Pope’s modesty all rolled into one. Pick a struggle – decide on what is important to you and stick with that struggle – if you are in it for the money- follow money (even though i think this approach often backfires). I will never tell anyone to go for looks – last last if the guy ugly reach there is always plastic surgery. Go for a kind man- nothing beats a man that is kind – he will nurture you with his Kindess and if you are lousy, that kindness will grow on you.
6. Stop making excuses for men…you said whaaaat? No he told you exactly what he meant when he said it – he didn’t mean anything else…stop looking for how to convince him you are worth his while…if he can’t see it chuck it up to his loss. Women are so busy salivating over 20% of the badly behaved male population that they are ignoring the other decent maybe 70% and end up wondering how Alaba who married the average joe blow has no stresses two years into her marriage but they are busy battling with a street walking demon as a husband.
7. Know your deal breakers….violence is a no go for me, so is verbal abuse. Tolerating them will only show a wicked person they can keep doing it to you and get away with it.
8. Do not say you want a God fearing husband then go and agree to marry a town boy who cannot sit in his house for an entire weekend because he is bored. Awesome social and fun loving boyfriends tend to make unreliable/ unfaithful husbands. The men that tend to be consistent are the ones who are sooo boring or uneventful that you can almost predict their movements- they actuall make for more stable relationships if you ask me- you just have to figure how to make them fun.
Ladies remember marriage and relationships are not a race – the person who married at 21 and the person who married at 35 are both married. Unhappiness is not a walk in the park, identify good people or a good man and pitch your tent- do not get carried away with shenanigans and miss out on the most important thing in a human being – Character Character Character. Character is disipline – make sure he is accountable for his actions.
Your life is for living – you were not put here to be someone’s punching bag or dead body.
I don talk my own. Feel free to add to it.
Photo: Joro Olumofin