True Story

So I have debated for a while whether to share or not, but I might as well.

In July 2014 I hired a housekeeper who came recommended from someone I know. She had already gone to tailoring school, no money to do freedom etc. You get my drift. I employed her because i took to her and she seemed reasonable and practical. She started work and all was well, during my trad she was also very helpful – i increased her salary by 25%, but i noticed she was often idle.

The thing with me is I am conscious about overworking people and I don’t like folks in my space for extended periods. So she would come in the morning – clean the house and make her breakfast and from say 1pm till 7pm she would be free, unless she had market runs which was maybe 2x a week. She also had Sundays off. By October I asked her how much it was for freedom – they gave her list and we calculated it – N120k – I said absolutely not.

I asked her to go and price 3 different sewing machines. She came back and I picked the middle price and bought it for her and told her point blank she had to work with me for 1 year. She agreed. I even gave her some of my people as customers- she was ok with the basics. She also sewed for others as she had Sundays off.

By November ending tragedy stuck my family and we had a death. Nobody wanted to be around so by mid December after burying my brother in law we all packed ourselves to the overseas – I literally didn’t come back till March. My husband was back and forth so I decided to let the babe stay and clean a few times a week. Moreso I liked her because she never stole – so she was worth keeping on her full salary.

By April she told me she wanted to talk to me. I assumed it was about waec and jamb because i said after 1 year we will discuss admission and how to go about it. In February i had sent her a text to start gathering her results so I would have a starting point to know exactly what is to be done. In April this 22 year old told me she wanted to go and marry. I was in shock and asked to who? Her exact words were – the person I am dating…I said what work does he do? She said teacher in Islamic school in Badagry side. How old? She said 33 – i said to myself this bros is older than me but whats my business. I said what about your education? She said he said he will send her to school. I looked at her and told her, ok congrats. May 31st is your last day. The sewing machine is your wedding gift.

I got myself new help and moved on. Around August i needed something sewn so I called her to see if she was available. I asked after her husband and she said she will tell me when she comes. She came alright and I got an earful – this babe had gone from just head covering to full blown Eleha (full burka)- with only face showing, even socks self join.

I offered her water to drink and brought my fabrics. So she started talking and then crying. I said haba what is it? She spent all her savings about n100k on the wedding because the guy kept telling her to pay for stuff he will give her the money back but never did. Wedding was in June so she was broke by August. Then he had three kids from a prior marriage – I said but I asked you and you said he just finished university in the North and did service, so why lie? Ehn the children used to stay with his mother because the first wife left. Ok so you are a stepmom at 22 congrats.

Now here was the icing on the cake. He was the one that encouraged her to leave her job with me. Dude earns n17k per month she was earning n20k with 2 meals a day- free housing, free water and light etc. This is someone that came to me with one backpack and had to charter taxi when she was leaving with 3 suitcases.  She was able to give her mom n5k minimum monthly and also save money from her tailoring hustle.

The place he took her to live, everybody there is a tailor – so that nullifies her skillset. The best job offer she found was as a salesgirl – N7k per month. She said she asked if they would give her food and they said “food bawo”? She now asked me if she could come back to work. I said I have someone but if I know of someone looking i will let her know. Unfortunately for her the friend that was looking had employed someone and the issue of her being married wasn’t a good look.

When I asked her when she was starting school, she said school how?  That they have not eaten talkless of school. I spoke with sisi tailor and told her not to go and carry belle as her husband could barely feed the 3 kids and her. Her goal should be to hustle for a year and tidy her finances before she has any babies. I even recommended she go to a pharmacy and buy birth control. I am a realist, I wasn’t going to tell her to leave her husband- if she was my sister I would have said that, but for someone else, no! I even used myself as an example I said look I married after 30, i have been married for one year – I haven’t carried big belle and I am sure my finances are ok – I can care for a child, but what is your rush?

I explained to her that the more she was able to do as a woman, the better the outlook for any children she may have and those 3 children she has inherited.
So she needed to think about how to at least raise money and save for a year before children. If she wanted to find a shop etc she can come and tell me and I would see what I could do as I couldn’t make promises.

In Septemberish I spoke with my husband as I wasn’t pleased with the help I had but I was like you know what, let me keep her and see. When this particular help disappeared on her spiritual adventure (convenant binding that she had to go and do with her cousin), i decided to call aunty tailor back.

This was November beginning.  I asked her if she still wanted to come back to work. I was going to make her sign a 6 month contract. The option of an education was off the table. I asked her to discuss with her husband.  She came back and said yes but one thing. SHE WAS PREGNANT!  I said what?  Sorry? I can’t employ a pregnant woman I am sorry – before anything happens to her and it is me they will blame.

I now tried to think about how to help her, but then I was like this babe doesnt need my help at all. Because for starters she didn’t want to follow process and think about a better life for herself. I just get so sad that someone so young has committed themselves to such a life. Because lets face it- without an education what are her chances of rising out of her current situation?  What is the likelihood that she will be able to feed all those kids and give them a decent education where they stand a chance at not being in the same vicious cycle?

I simply told myself I cannot want more for someone than they want for themselves. And i refuse to throw the little money I have managed to earn after someone who doesn’t think about life direction.

Thats the story. I was simply thinking about young people and how a lot of times folks don’t want to walk through the stages and think its all going to be ok or miracles will just happen.

NESTR
OAD

17 Comments on True Story

  1. This babe na mukpe, but I am not surprised though, I have noticed that a lot of ladies seem to make hasty decisions about marriage these days and that leads them into wrong hands. Abeg u don try for am miss Pynk, she has obviously chosen her own path in life. I actually so not feel for her, it is her unborn children that she wants to bring into hardship that I really feel for.

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  2. Madam Pynk, you are just too kind. I was jst likening this with the relationship between humans and God, he tries so hard to counsel and steer us in the right part, but can’t enforce his will on us, its left to us to ‘borrow ourselves brain’ and make good decisions.
    She had it so good with you, and now she can’t seem to retrace her steps. What more can I say..? Good luck to her.

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  3. God bless your heart Ms Pynk
    Some people dont wanna be saved i’ve learnt that in my short stay on this earth
    If someone doesn’t want to be helped there’s nothing you can do to change that
    It amazes me how people see fire but still go ahead and enter into it.
    Am really happy I have the kind of orientation I have about life

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  4. [I simply told myself I cannot want more for someone than they want for themselves]

    I recently realized this.

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  5. People never learn from others mistakes until it actually pounds them in the face.

    Young girls and marriage. What is a 22 year old girl rushing into marriage for. Too bad she didn’t listen to sound advise.

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  6. i feel she only heard about the word “education” but did no know what it meant talkless of its importance.

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  7. www.thelmathinks.com // December 16, 2015 at 13:32 // Reply

    I actually laughed when you wrote you told her not to get pregnant. Her story isn’t much different from a million others. I blame ignorance and lack of imagination for their stupidity. Good luck to them all.

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  8. hmmmmmm…..if only she could go back to the past..im sure she would jump at the opportunity you gave her..alas,her loss.i just dont understand some people ooo..now shes just going to bring children into the poverty..smh

    http://www.thatghlife.blogspot.com

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  9. This story is very sad. God sent an answer to her prayers yet she threw it all away. if only she had waited for a few more years before getting married, it will have been an entirely different story. its going to take a lot now for her to get her life back on track, i really feel sorry for her but like you said, she needs to want more for herself.

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  10. I’m so pained reading how this girl wasted the blessings God sent her through you. This is a case of Pesin see fire waka enter. You’ve done your best. God help her

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  11. Sigh!!!!This is so sad. I want to say don’t give up on her, but i don’t know what else you can possibly do for her.

    She just doesn’t know better. A product of her environment. It’s so sad. I keep thinking of a big brother – big sister type program to match kids from not so great areas/backgrounds with exposed/educated big brothers/sisters. I feel like they need someone walking with them everyday, telling them they can do it (from a young age oh). If not they just fall into the same circumstances as everyone else in their area.

    Its just sadddddddd.

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  12. Loool@ I’m not a Christmas goat!

    I feel pity for the lady though her story is common.
    I’m almost sure she went home and gave away most pay of your talks and advice to her husband and then that one made sure to hook her down.

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  13. Personal goal setting is a self-act. She didn’t key into the goals you set for her. Am sure she considered your plans a fantasy and decided it was best to face reality. So sad she doesn’t think she deserves more than she settled for.

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  14. Married with step-kids and pregnant at 22, and then no education?!! Now that’s a lot to take in… how on earth is she gonna deal with all this.
    I feel like maybe she never really wanted to go to school in the first place, cos anyone who truly values education and understands it’s importance will work hard to achieve it….
    This is really sad!

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  15. It’s a sad reality. The chance to break out of that life was just wasted. No matter what you said or did, the final decision was up to her.

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  16. it’s a sad story, but nevertheless, the story has not ended. I feel you posted this story to get opinions from blog readers so i’d say this don’t give up on her just yet. If you can’t do anything more, just call and keep in touch with her.

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  17. Sad but hey, these things happen everywhere all the time. I agree that you cannot help someone more they want to be helped but I doubt she doesn’t want to be helped. She probably just didn’t get enough counseling to counter the brainwashing of the guy.
    Having said that, I disagree that you should have recommended a birth control for a woman without the consent of her husband. The end result would have been a rebel, hence, pregnancy. I am also a realist but when you want to help a married woman, the best way to tackle it is by counseling both parties. Their agreement is what will take them forward.

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