So I saw the post below on BN and I read through some of the comments and was like hell to the naw….read and then see my comments.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I think I’m losing my husband and almost ruining my marriage of less than 1 year, since we got married we haven’t stayed two weeks without quarreling. My husband has a big heart and is a genuinely good man but I think all the trouble I have given him is beginning to change him. Our fights have been nothing short of unnecessary.
We argue over the most irrelevant things such as money, time and normal human errors. When we do, We involve ourselves in the nastiest war of words, there is no hurtful word in this world that we have not called each other up to the extent that I hit him severally (I get physical). In the past when I over reacted, he has always forgiven me and shown me unconditional love but this recent time after we quarreled again , I think he has drawn away from me a bit, he now avoids me (guess he’s avoiding trouble).
I know he still loves me and wants the marriage to work but something in me keeps brewing animosity towards him, I keep remembering the hurtful words and his actions while we fought and have not been able to move on from it. I love my marriage and don’t want it to crash either but how can I get over the hurt of certain things that have happened. My intuition tells me this issue is spiritual and someone is trying to ruin my marriage. Probably a jealous person/ex or an evil spirit.
First of all Nigerians need to leave the devil and other such spirits alone. Grown folks blaming extra terrestrial forces for sh*t they refused to take control of? I am a firm believer that when people misbehave it’s a reflection of their greater decision not to control themselves. I learnt this vital lesson as a child and even as an adult when I do stuff that is clearly wrong – if you ask me why – I will tell you the plain honest truth – i just didn’t feel like doing the right thing. Accountability is not a far fetched word- most people know the difference between right and wrong and the execution of either or.
I was a bit annoyed when the Mrs said she was abusive towards her husband and it was other forces involved. Biko she even called the exes. I was like “wawu” this babe is definitely not ready for marriage. His poor exes that are probably looking for other people to settle down with? She needs a proper therapist.
People who hit people – in my own mind her husband has a lot of self control as he has only replied her with equally nasty words. Even in my semi retired state of madness if you hit me I will pour hot water on you while you are sleeping and then go to jail after. You can’t display agbero behaviour and hurt me for long- divorce is acceptable as far as I concerned under these circumstances. Nobody – male or female has a right to hit anyone else.
She goes on and on and on. And i just kept thinking who bears the blame? Her folks or her- for her lack of desire to grow up? Because you will be surprised she has upstanding parents and has refused to compromise.
I kept reading where folks were saying first year of marriage is hard. Uhm not quite. If your expectations are realistic within the limitations of your partner then it will never be hard. Yes you will have to adjust and deal with a few things, but if you accept that your partner has the best of intentions for your union, then you will sail through with ease. This applies especially if your partner is equally as responsible as you. If you marry someone who has distortions about marriage – the perpetual bachelor or perpetual mrs I am always right, then you have issues.
We all have different backgrounds no matter how similar our socio economic backgrounds are. The other day my husband accused me of opening the box of cereal bag too wide 😆 ! The way the accusation was levelled was ridiculous. As in he came out of the kitchen slamming the door and boiling and he started asking me if that was how to open cereal. And I just looked at him and started laughing- he kept going and all I said was all this on top of cereal? I simply suggested his next trip to the store he picks up two boxes and I will write my name all over one box with permanent marker. He came back with 2 boxes of the same cereal and I kept eating from his box, I just made sure not to open the bag any further!
My point is even the littlelest things will lead to fights in a marriage if not addressed with care. There is a way to accept flaws in our partners without it being the end of the world. People do have flaws – do not marry a Tunde expecting the behavior of an Obinna. If Tunde was a kind simple guy before you married him, chances are high he will not want to wear matching clothes with you to attend owambes on saturdays. Know who you are marrying and focus on their best traits. If a few others really bother you, go about trying to modify them gently without being insulting. That is of course if you want peace in your home. Because once a peaceful home is your bottom line you start to view things differently.
Both husband and wife have to be a combination of deaf, dumb and blind. You unhear somethings your spouse says, you chose not to speak when it will only cause things to explode, and you chose not to see certain actions. In all this, in no way have I said I condone infidelity or physical abuse. I actually believe divorce is a very very viable option in marriage, there are situations that call for this.