Haha Haha Ha

Hey everyone how is it going? So you see I am getting better at delegating some duties to my helpers and just learning to relax…I have a bit more time now on my hands.

I saw something on instagram that had me in stitches yesterday or so. Knowing what I know about twins now, I would have never prayed for twins- I would have just asked God for one child. As much as I love my children- I realise one child at a time would have been so much easier emotionally and financially. My husband is the one child only advocate so maybe God has a sense of humor….

So Joro Posts and Image of the McClure twins on Instagram and writes say Amen to this if you want this blessing and every commenter said Amen. All 800 commenters- I was like I can bet you 80% of these people have no kids….

What prompted this post? So I had sorted out all the twins formula and diapers from “the abroad” and had cargoed them to save costs – about $3,000 in savings for the year (diapers and formula alone). Cargo was supposed to arrive end of October. I called the shipper to ask how far? Na so shipper talk say “maam the container wasn’t full because of the hardship in Nigeria, we are just loading- we will get it there end of November”! You know when you want to spark, but you don’t even know where to start? And the shipper gave me a 50% discount on top of admiring the twins- me I was happy and took the discount. 

Anyway the revelation was that I had to go buy the formula- after enough deliberating I looked at the actual cost of enfamil which is what they drink and was like Oh my Gosh N14k per pangolo that lasts 2.5 days to be exact (we don’t spill milk or throw away)…I opted for the closest substitute Aptamil at N7k5 that lasts us for 3.5 days….lets do a rough estimate for 30 days we need 9 tubs….please help me calculate the gbese for 1 year of either aptamil or enfamil. Then we use 14 diapers per day – $0.25 per diaper ( if you buy cheaper diapers, you just end up changing them more frequently which adds up to about the same)- thats some expensive piss and shit per year…keep in mind my babies use pampers and drink enfamil/ aptamil – no Gucci diapers or breastmilk type expensive formulas. 

Even if you want to be frugal and stop giving milk at 6 months- it’s not really a good idea as children need milk for the first year and three crowns is still too strong for their developing bodies. Oh you wanna breastfeed to save costs? Well mama at that point pray your supply is sufficient, pray your sanity and health aren’t in jeopardy  (ask a mother who has nursed one baby on demand to imagine what nursing 2 on demand feels like) – the prayer will be not to run mad because sleep will never happen- unless someone is putting them on your breast and removing them after a while. 

So now remember the story of the guy who ran away when his wife had the 3rd set of twins? And everyone was insulting him for running away? I really don’t blame the guy, however after the first two sets he should have known that birth control at N2,000 monthly is much cheaper than what I put up there. Shout out to the people that don’t believe in birth control….

So now you are thinking well the mother will just work to cover the cost right? Lets be ambitious and say you earn N5m per year – remove taxes maybe left with N4m. Then remove N1.3m for food and diapers – no clothes, nothing else. Then they have to be watched while you are at work – househelp bad as e bad – N20k each per month unless you engage in Child labour from places like Kwara or Plateau for N5k per month (no offense to the indigenes). By the time you feed, house and clothe each one, you will easily spend about N30k monthly per person x2 – wage bill is n720k for help. Aah you say no, they will go to daycare- you finally settle on a daycare where they wont “ragabow” your kids or rent them out to a begging syndicate on a daily basis, they tell you its N50k monthly – N600k for the year. Salary is currently remaining N2m for the year give or take – then even if your twins go to daycare, you still need at least one helper at home, unless your husband is superman. You will buy petrol to go to work, buy clothes to go to work….N5m has evaporated essentially. 

Pray tell the other spouse is earning at least N5m annually. The person can pay rent, but you guys will live far from the job if your rent is N1m or less for a 2 or 3 bedroom apartment. Thats added commuter stress on everyone. 

Does it now make sense why people with multiples in the lower socio-economic class tend to beg more? It’s very hard to hack having multiples at a time. Wonder why so many pages dedicated to multiples exist on instagram? Hell even $500 in extra income from exposing your children goes a long way….no I haven’t changed my mind I am still not setting up a public page for my kids. However if you bring us correct contract that can pay real bills…we might be able to work something out.😂

On that note are you still praying for twins? If yes do you plan on them being your only kids?

As for me workshop has closed, I need my sanity back…I also need to work more to afford Harvard for 2 kids- it’s not beans.

I hope I made you laugh somewhat in the midst of my navigating this thing called twin parenting. 

Image Credit: instagram

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12 Comments on Haha Haha Ha

  1. Beautiful. .. The reality of life. I only wished for twins after my first delivery, just so I’d experience the pain only once in my lifetime. All your calculations are only food and diapeR related, we don’t even want to know others…… lol.

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  2. Chrisyinks // October 27, 2016 at 04:54 // Reply

    I can imagine the look on your face after feeding your twins, they decide to vomit for the fun of it….epic look.

    I don’t plan to have more than 3 kids, anyway that’s subject to madam’s approval…with your post, I think I’d be needing adequate spacing to ensure I can easily meet their basic needs.

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    • Chris Imagine one of my babies has slight reflux so she tends to spit back and on ocassion vomit a bit….then she smiles after she does it. Or is it when you are changing a diaper and they decide to poop on the new diaper before you even seal it? We do mounds and mounds of laundry- the milder detergents are not cheap either. They will start drinking pap next month sha

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  3. Lol….your analysis is sooo on point. To think I prayed for twins but God had other plans

    Left to me, I’ll close shop after having my first baby in December (the whole experience and skyrocketing price of baby things had me thinking)…But my dear hubs still wants the twins after this one o..lol

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    • Nkechi Send your husband this link, he may change his mind quickly.

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      • Asides sending him this link, I trust that when he does ‘vigilante’ for 1 pikin (when baby comes) and sees the wahala involved, no b person go tell am to change his mind….lol

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  4. favouriteshades // October 27, 2016 at 14:32 // Reply

    Wow, this analysis tho, almost has me panicking but I still want twins(only kids I plan on having). I am of the opinion that childbirth can be done once so full concentration can be on raising the kids and been a ‘balanced’ parent.

    This post reiterates the fact that there is a need to plan financially,emotionally and otherwise before having kids.

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  5. Thank you for this article. now I can jejely forward it all those who can’t understand why I don’t pray for twins.

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  6. Omo this analysis is an eye opener,even if its kinda scary lol… i am sending this link to my mum especially , cos she feels i am always in my attack mode anytime she says three kids is not much. Thank you Miss Pynk for this educative post.

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  7. Hon I hope you remebered to buy different sizes for pampers oh . A few people II know somehow forgot the child would grow and one is still squeezing into size 2 diapers at age 1 cos na im full house

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    • Yes oh at ur Anon. I even guestimated their weights when buying sizes and for how long etc. That squeezing into size 2 must be painful. They should probably just find someone who just had a baby to switch with. Kai that has to be painful sha…

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