Dear Young Woman III

Hey young lady how are you doing? How do you know when a situation is not right for you be it personal or professional? We read and see all the horror stories evrywhere around us. Workplace abuse, relationship abuse etc.

In life the first lesson every young woman must learn is self value. The understanding that ultimately we must own our decisions whether they turn out for the better or the worse. This frame of thinking makes sure we make the decisions that we believe will turn out for the better. Once we understand that above all we are the most important component in our own equation and everyone else is a variable. 

Let me explain this concept from a math standpoint – we are independent variables in our own lives, other people we allow into our lives are dependent.  They depend on us giving them access into our lives. The boss who decided to proposition you, his power over you is dependent on the access you give. The female boss who yells at will or attempts to be verbally abusive – it is dependent on how much you give access.

The man who walks into your life and slowly disrespects you, it’s because you let him. The family members who take from you like you are a tree of life, it’s because you allow them. Access is what gives people power over you. How much access you give to people is a function of how you feel about yourself. Do you believe that you are the most important person in your life? 

I have not asked the above question from a simple angle, without you, your life will not exist. Your power is in your existence. If you don’t like something you move- afterall you are not a tree. Tell yourself the truth about the life you want, the life you believe you deserve.

I get tired of the propaganda that women should settle. We should drop our heads, we should submit etc. Society attempts to weaken women to a point of almost just throwing our hands up and acting like onlookers in our own lives. How are you a spectator in your own life? Do you not believe you are deserving of a happy and fulfilled life?

Someone asked me yesterday how I walked away from an engagement six weeks to the date of the traditional ceremony and for me it was simple. I deserve a shot at a decent life – because I am the most important person in my life. I understood my support system and called on the person I knew would back my decision once I expressed myself properly. Oh and I did get talked about- described in a lot of unpleasant ways- despite some hurt from being talk about, it was pale compared to what level of misery I would have immersed myself into.

When I agreed to marry my husband, I was so sure of things that I went to the registry months before the other ceremonies…to show the naysayers that I was indeed making my decision and was comfortable in it.

In life nobody is going to walk your journey for you, there will be different people along the way. Learn how to shed dead weight, learn how to shed the people who are hell bent on encouraging you to “manage” every situation in your life. They don’t encourage you to do better, they never think you can find better. A better job, a better man etc. 

I always ask a question, what is the risk in standing up and believing you deserve the best job for your qualifications? You deserve the best man for your partnership  etc? 

My theory is simple – if you believe that God created you to manage, you will manage. If you believe he created you for good, you will seek the best.

You are scared you wont find a good man after 30? You do realise the potentially miserable 40 years ahead you are signing up for with a man who has little regard for you and vice versa right? The miserable job you have been going to for 5 years- you do realise it will continue unless you consider yourself important to break free right?

Let’s stop passing on this madness that in life you must settle and manage because you are a woman. Too many young women are turning worrying and unhappiness into a life sport. Make no apologies for making yourself number one in your own life.

You can still win N50K HERE

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3 Comments on Dear Young Woman III

  1. taurusianfeminist.wordpress.com // July 2, 2017 at 06:23 // Reply

    Very nice. Self love n confidence cannot be overemphasized oh.

    Yea, dat ‘after 30…’ line got me.

    We need ladies to stop feeling dat wrong sorta way, and go grab what they want.

    It is well

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  2. The after 30 thing annoys me. Is 30 supposed to be old?

    I remember when I was 23yrs old and one potential boyfriend asked me which age I wanted to get married…I told him…when I met the right person for me…and in the right circumstances…whatever the age.
    I realised then that setting a target age for marriage is the fastest way to feel pressured.

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  3. Lauretta // July 17, 2017 at 10:39 // Reply

    I am number one!! One of my best posts on the blog is this section. Please more, it lifts up my spirit. In the past, i used to feel guilty when i say no to other people or consider myself first, but thank God for wisdom, i put God and myself first and yeah i’m goooood to go.

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