Dear Young Woman IV

Dear Young Woman how are you?
So you have gone off to the University and graduated with your first degree or better even yet your 2nd Degree. Everyone starts to ask you when are you getting married? Like OMG a man is just going to fall from heaven and sweep you off your feet.

On the contrary you will likely have some dynamic years of being single and dating. During which time you get to build a career. Let no one lie to you, it’s much easier to put in the longer hours when you don’t have a husband or kids waiting for you at home (actually change that to “depending on you”).

So you see a lot of our mothers have never fully explained that there is a tradeoff generally when you choose to be a wife and/or a mother. The balancing act is extremely delicate and very few women ever get it right to their satisfaction (A year into motherhood I am still struggling). Meaning a career that is fully rewarding enough and spending all day with your kids. There is a tradeoff somewhere. 

Even many women who only leave work to have their babies tend to be on lower professional levels than men of equal qualifications often because of the time taken off. Some of these women want more time with their kids etc. I have been told several times how lucky I am to be a work from home mom (but I don’t have that N30m paycheck you got though)!

I implore and challenge you dear young woman to make the best use of your career when you are still relatively free. You earn enough to buy a house? Buy that house. You want to drive a Range Rover and you can afford it? By all means necessary. You want to travel the world?  Also invest for your future and your children.

Slay Queening is cute, but a year later half the bags and shoes you bought are no longer trendy. You think you marry rich and all is solved? Some men see their earnings as their money from which you get an allowance, not one whereby because you stayed home with the kids you deserve half.

Too many horror stories of women becoming widows or divorcees and being unable to fend for themselves. We spend so much time as women making sure everyone is ok, often forgetting ourselves in the process. When things take a down turn we begin wondering what we could have done differently. 

Dear young Woman I implore you to invest in yourself. Before and during marriage. Accumulate assets for you and your unborn children. No hardworking or good man will ask or concern himself with your assets, rather he will strive to create more with you. He will also be proud of you, knowing that he is creating a home/family with someone who can hold her own. 

Forget what people say about young women owning their own stuff. Why shouldn’t you own it if you can afford it?

From personal experience, owning assets gives you a certain power- the power of peace. You know that you are with someone because you want to be and not because you need to be. This also commands a certain level of respect. It also means you have things to fall back on incase things go South.

Like my friends in Brooklyn say “own your own sh*t”!

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6 Comments on Dear Young Woman IV

  1. Thanks Ms Pynk. I truly need this at this point in my life. And you write beautifully.

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  2. Lauretta // July 18, 2017 at 11:01 // Reply

    Whooop… Miss Pynk for President. I loveee this section. Thanks a lot, i really enjoyed it. Will come back to read again.

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  3. Mme Pynk empowering the girl child. Please do not ever stop writing.

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  4. Great points as usual Ms Pynk.

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  5. This just mirrored my thought. A friend called me for my birthday and was telling me that by this time next year I would spend it in my husband house with a kid. I didn’t say amen to that prayer because I still have some things I want to set in place before marriage. And by the way my goals aren’t unrealistic.

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  6. Quirkymoi // July 23, 2017 at 19:16 // Reply

    This is beautiful. I needed this. I just pray for strength, wisdom and grace to be able to achieve all I have set for myself this year. Then I can build on it in years to come.

    Amen.

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